My ‘Coming Out’: Surviving Trauma And Managing Post-Traumatic Stress

Just A Little Red

When I was in college I kept a knife within an arm’s reach, but concealed in the bed that I slept at night. I also slept in my clothes, complete with running shoes. All of the lights were on, my bedroom door locked and I would wake at the slightest utterance. Sometimes I couldn’t sleep, so I just wouldn’t. I was both always and never tired. True, the average hours I slept each night (when I did sleep) was around four hours (I’m being generous) but you’re also on an adrenaline rush 24/7, which allowed my body to be tired, so long as it was constantly wired.

But it wasn’t just at night; it was every second of every day. I hid pennies in windows and doors, anything that could be opened so that I would always know if they had been. I knew the number of steps between every…

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